Top 10 Scary Things to do For Halloween
10. Tie a string around your cat's tail and put his feet on fly paper; place the cat in the bushes and pull his tail when the kids show up for free candy.
9. Instead of bobbing for apples play bobbing for habaneros.
8. Carve your pumpkin into the shape of a nuclear mushroom. Do not light the candle.
7. Play Michael Jackson cds outdoors until the sun rises. You may be arrested for obscenity but what the hell. Crank it up! "Cause it's da Thriller"!
6. Before you go to bed, put the leftover candy on the front porch; place a mousetrap in the bottom of the candy dish.
5. Send your kids on a scavenger with the list written in invisible ink.
4. Buy a big screen tv and install on the front porch. Play "It's A Wonderful Life" and confuse the crap out of the neighbors.
3. Tie broomsticks all around your front doorstoop....make sure they hang low enough to bop the older kids in the head but NOT the real kids. Geez....don't they ever quit Trick or Treating?
2. Go to Kroger and buy out their supply of Charmin; go to the Great Smoky Mountains and begin.
And the Number One Scary Thing to Do for Halloween:
(Drum roll please.....)
1. Dress up like ol George W and run around saying that Presidential Term Limitations have been eliminated and you're gonna run for 8 more years! Everybody loves W, right?
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