Monday, March 27, 2006

Things We Say Today That Would Have Been Alien in 1976

I was thinking about language yesterday and decided to compose a list of common phrases today that would have sounded so strange when I graduated from high school in 1976. Here you go........

Shutdown Windows and Reboot.
How much memory do you have?
Hey, gas was only $2.50 a gallon today!
Have you considered outsourcing that line?
I was IMing my friend last night and.......
Scan that in pdf and email it as an attachment.
After you swipe your card, just enter your PIN.
Why don't you try Googling it?
You can double your miles if you stay over to Saturday.
My IPOD isn't fully charged.
I did wireless at Starbucks.
Did you read his Blog yesterday?
Haven't you checked your email today?
I'll bet WalMart has it cheaper.
I wonder if Homeland Security is on top of that?
Can you burn me a copy of that?
I sent it by PayPal!
I beat Spider 5 times yesterday!
Would you like that Biggie-Sized?
Viagra would help that "little" problem.......
Are you "practicing" safe-sex?
Just download it from Napster.
Run, OJ, Run....(ok, that one actually made sense in '76).
Dude, you gotta Dell.
What's your cell number?
Can you set us up on conference call?
FEMA blew it!
Just hit Ctrl-Alt-Del...but only once.
Man, I'm covered up in Spam!
Time for a power lunch.
I'll have a Sam Adams.
Did you do prenups?
I pinged him but he wasn't in.
Are your virus definitions up-to-date?
Just send her a text message.

And so it goes.........

Monday, March 20, 2006

When the Rain Falls Cold

Winter slowly recedes into Spring
With rains that chill the soul
Fires still burn in the old, rock hearth
Steam still collects inside on the window sills

Buds of colour emerge from winter's grip
Softly, they explode into rainbows
Silently brushing the canvas
And perfuming the cool, night air

Fingers of ice collect on the green leaves
And melt into the decaying leaves
They fall into the warmth of the earth
And are not seen again

Teams of goldfinch huddle around the feeder
Taking in the last of the free meals
Cardinals show their new fashion
And the humming birds stare into the glass

Birdbaths overflow into the hostas
Redbuds turn lavender
Buttercups pop up
And the Lenten Rose bows down to her children

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Reliable Friend

She creeps into my life
When the crisp, late winter mornings
Meander into the warmth of an early spring afternoon

She brings me new hope
When the death of coldness silences my senses
And revives my numbness from February

She wanders through my gardens
Searching for the path to walk this season
And lays her visions deeply into the blankets of old, rusty leaves

She spreads her orange rays across the new seedlings
And wakes them from their months of laziness
Her arms are raised as she conducts her orchestra of youth

She is as reliable as age
She returns every year....and always on time
Welcome Old True Reliable Friend

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I Believe.....

More things I believe....
~With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy~

I believe most Americans get their exercise walking up and down the snack food aisle at WalMart.

I believe "W" is proof that evolution didn't pan out in Texas.

I believe that light bulbs have built-in self-destruct timers designed to execute at 2AM when you have to go to the bathroom.

I believe there are aliens inside me and they come out of my belly button at midnight to move my furniture around.

I believe cats are interstellar terrorists.

I believe traffic lights are over-rated.

I believe Pat Robertson should run for Iraq.

I believe the basketball season has been on-going for 20 years.

I believe books have too many words and not enough pictures.

I believe convenience stores are not very convenient.

I believe toe nails serve no useful purpose and should be banned.

I believe the US Post Office should require their employees to pass an English test.

I believe aspirin is the leading cause of headaches.

I believe lawyers should not be allowed to breed.

I believe the internet causes cancer in laboratory mice.

I believe Bob Dylan is still on tour.

I believe Billy Mays (Oxy-Clean Ka-Boom commericials) should stop shouting at me.

I believe teachers should be required to take a polygraph test and THEN be allowed to teach the truth.

I believe Congress members should have Social Security taxes taken out of their paycheck.

I believe there are WAY too many types of printer ink cartridges.

I believe the numbers on a telephone should be aligned identical to those on a calculator.

I believe Thanksgiving should be expanded to a week-long holiday...and there should be a football game playing around the clock.

I believe the work week should be Saturday and Sunday and the weekend should be Monday through Friday.

I believe paper clips annoy me.

I believe Spam (the "food") does not have an expiration date.

I believe the toilet handle is on the wrong side of the tank.

I believe Frank Zappa ate too much Yellow Snow.

I believe God is frustrated....and she's getting annoyed.