So Welcome to Gerbalism....just follow these steps to inner peace:
- Accept that only through Gerbals (not hamsters) can you find inner peace and sanctuary
- When in a pet store, ask to hold all the Gerbals held captive...then set them free one by one....this act of freeing Gerbals will guarantee you a place in aquarium heaven (lid not included)
- Never eat meat at the buffet. You can survive on sunflower seeds and lettuce. Adding dressing will require you to confess your sins to a higher Gerbal
- Keep a Gerbal in your home, free to run up and down the stairs all night long. Put the cat(s) out first, for murder of Gerbals is a sin that has no forgiveness
- Pet the Gerbal before each meal and allow the Gerbal to bite you often. After all, true inner peace requires pain first.
- Always clean up after your Gerbal. These tiny morsels are your way to enlightenment (wash hands before handling the Gerbal again)
- Should your Gerbal enter into the Gates of Gerbalia, place the remains in an decorative jewelry box and tape securely before burying under the Apricot Tree. Always bury Gerbals under Apricot Trees. If you do not have an Apricot Tree, Home Depot has them on sale this week for $19.99