Unseen Tears

There is an irony in this world of ours....an irony that men face on a daily basis. The irony is the perception that men are to be unemotional....at least that was the way of my world growing up. During the early years of my life, the acceptable view of men was that we didn't show emotions. Now it was ok to cry when you fell off your bike or skinned your knees. But as you approached your teenage years, crying was no longer acceptable behavior. Now I don't mind telling you, I cried during "Old Yeller" and many years later those tears returned in "ET-The Extraterrestrial". But to cry in real life was and still is frowned upon. It is viewed as a weakness. Fast forward to the middle-age years. I cried when my father died. There were things I would have liked to have told him, but I held out...not wanting to show my weaknesses. I have regrets having supressed my emotions but there's nothing I can do about that now. A few years later, I cried when my brother died. Me and my other two brothers visited him during his last days and I saw the shell of a man I once knew as my brother....and my friend. I cried the day they closed the coffin on him.

A man crying, in the eyes of women and other men, is still commonly viewed today as a weak. Why? I can no longer accept suppressing my emotions. They are mine and I choose to use them. I don't have the desire or necessity to be macho. It goes against how I feel and the suppression doesn't feel right. I choose living the way I desire....not the way the rest of the world wants me to behave. It's all I've got and I refuse to give that part of me up to others.