Saturday, March 11, 2006

I Believe.....

More things I believe....
~With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy~

I believe most Americans get their exercise walking up and down the snack food aisle at WalMart.

I believe "W" is proof that evolution didn't pan out in Texas.

I believe that light bulbs have built-in self-destruct timers designed to execute at 2AM when you have to go to the bathroom.

I believe there are aliens inside me and they come out of my belly button at midnight to move my furniture around.

I believe cats are interstellar terrorists.

I believe traffic lights are over-rated.

I believe Pat Robertson should run for Iraq.

I believe the basketball season has been on-going for 20 years.

I believe books have too many words and not enough pictures.

I believe convenience stores are not very convenient.

I believe toe nails serve no useful purpose and should be banned.

I believe the US Post Office should require their employees to pass an English test.

I believe aspirin is the leading cause of headaches.

I believe lawyers should not be allowed to breed.

I believe the internet causes cancer in laboratory mice.

I believe Bob Dylan is still on tour.

I believe Billy Mays (Oxy-Clean Ka-Boom commericials) should stop shouting at me.

I believe teachers should be required to take a polygraph test and THEN be allowed to teach the truth.

I believe Congress members should have Social Security taxes taken out of their paycheck.

I believe there are WAY too many types of printer ink cartridges.

I believe the numbers on a telephone should be aligned identical to those on a calculator.

I believe Thanksgiving should be expanded to a week-long holiday...and there should be a football game playing around the clock.

I believe the work week should be Saturday and Sunday and the weekend should be Monday through Friday.

I believe paper clips annoy me.

I believe Spam (the "food") does not have an expiration date.

I believe the toilet handle is on the wrong side of the tank.

I believe Frank Zappa ate too much Yellow Snow.

I believe God is frustrated....and she's getting annoyed.

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