Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Toenails

We've all got them....well everyone except my brother, who claims he has never had to cut his....they just don't grow. Must be nice.

I was sitting out on the deck the other evening, having a beer after cleaning out dog houses. And I was staring at my feet. My wife walked out and asked me what I was doing. I thought it was pretty obvious....having a beer and wondering why the hell I have toenails. Have you ever thought about it? Probably not.

I guess these little morsels are leftovers from our pre-upright ancestors. But I have no use for them today. You always have to cut them and usually they don't cut straight. Then they hang on your socks and rip the crap out of them. There are times when you get fed up cutting them so often that you try to cut them a little shorter to reduce the amount of time you spend doing this chore. Then you cut into the tender skin underneath.....and then the pain sets in for a few days. I have no use for toenails and see no reason for their existence. My college-student daughter says they protect your toes when you drop a hammer on them. Well that hurts whether or not you have a toenail and the nail usually turns black and then falls off. What kind of protection is that?

I'm stuck with these things but I don't have to like them. Unfortunately, they are fully capable of getting even with me if I neglect them. Oh, I hate toenails! In my next life, I think I'll refuse to grow them! I'd rather have a tail.

1 comment:

jon said...

At least the tail will give you something to chase in circles while passing the time. The problem is, unlike the toenail pondering, this will shake up your beer.